Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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