wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
