just come out here and I will go home with you...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
