and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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