glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
