I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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