i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
