what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
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