4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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