on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
