I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
