we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
jump out the window naked night went bad
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
