I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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