any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
