Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize