I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
