and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
