OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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