I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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