You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
ok first of all what the fuck
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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