I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
