i think i have herpe
just one?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
