I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
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Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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