No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
