tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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