I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
