I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
