Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
