I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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