I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
