We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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