a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
