You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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