he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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