speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
