First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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