why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
