perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
