I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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