just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
