I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How does one acquire holy water?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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