Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
