is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
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My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
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I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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