giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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