remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
