...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
