I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
