I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
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so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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