my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
