I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i dont even know how to be here
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
