Do you still have your period?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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