I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think i got beer on your cat.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
