my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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