you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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