After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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