her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
