it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
