I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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