Me. At least after what I've been through.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
