What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
pop tarts are not kleenex
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
