It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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