Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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