We named our party play list daddy issues
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
