Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
