living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
