I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
