Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
pray to the hookup gods
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
