you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
