help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
How does one acquire holy water?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
